Dating After Divorce: Stop Obsessing Over the Wrong Man
Have you ever met the "perfect" but "not-interested-in-you" guy when you started dating after divorce? This dating mistake is all too common for women over 40 who are newly back in the dating world.
He just wants to be friends, but you know the two of you are the perfect match: He's such a good guy, you have the same interests, you have such a good time, and your kids are just the right age.
The Dating Trap Many Divorced Women Fall Into
You fall hard even though he's never indicated anything but mild interest. You get all giddy and zone in on him. All your waking hours are now spent trying to figure how to get him to make a move - or at least respond to yours.
I get it, you like him (and I've been there before) but attaching to him in your head is making you feel invisible, unwanted and frustrated.
Important Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
If you've met this guy, showed interest in him and he doesn't reciprocate, move on ASAP.
No, he's not "just shy and needing more encouragement"
No, he doesn't "need more time to realize you're the best woman for him"
Crushing on a man who is showing no interest in you is a waste of your smart, resourceful and creative mind. This is especially true when dating after divorce, when your time and emotional energy are precious resources.
Recognizing the Low-Effort Man
Your brain is an incredible problem-solving machine. It goes to work finding answers to your problems. By obsessing over one guy who's not reciprocating, you've given your brain the wrong problem to work on.
You've given it the job of trying to change another human being. Basically, it's spinning in a wild goose chase. You're investing your precious time and attention in someone who doesn't want them - a classic sign of a low-effort man who's happy to receive your attention without giving anything substantial in return.
In fact, by focusing on this guy, you're showing little interest in yourself. You've abandoned your goal of meeting someone great, who loves you back and also wants to invest in a relationship. No wonder you feel frustrated!
When Am I Ready to Date? When I Value Myself
To break out of the obsessive crush loop going nowhere, give yourself the love and attention you want by noticing your own self - your best qualities, your purpose, your goals, your core values.
Notice how big the world is - there are 7 billion people on the planet, all waiting for you to connect with them. Break out of the tiny fear bubble of thinking that this is the only eligible guy left in the world.
Smart Dating Strategies After Divorce
Create new options for yourself by giving your brain the job of finding 10 other potential partners who are actually interested in you. Make space in your heart and mind for someone who will see and appreciate you for who you are.
Feel the expansion and possibility that comes with that. That feels so much better than playing both sides of the tennis court in a fantasy relationship with Mr. Nice Guy.
Now get out there to meet other people and create new connections that will lead to that relationship that is safe, loving and lasts a lifetime. The United States dating scene is full of mature men who are looking for meaningful connections with divorced women over 40 - men who will actually put in the effort to build something real with you.