Dating After Divorce: Is It Time to Love Again?
There was a time I wasn't sure getting married again was for me.
I was free and fresh out of the dark fog of divorce. It was awesome! I couldn't imagine anyone invading my space, throwing a wrench in my plans, or not holding up their end of the partnership.
I was going to keep myself safe and happy flying solo. I had my Golden Girls picked out and decided when the time came, we would buy a home by the beach and retire together. (This still sounds kind of fun, actually!)
When Am I Ready to Date Again?
Then I met a divorcée who also had decided not to get married again. But she had way better reasons than I did.
"I've really never wanted to be coupled. I knew before I got married the first time that marriage wasn't for me, but I did it to make the people around me happy."
She had no desire to get married AND she was spending ZERO time thinking about dating and remarriage. None. She was out in the world, traveling and building and living the life she knew she was meant to live.
I, on the other hand, was making my decision based on running away from the challenge of creating the life that deep down I wanted.
Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
Was I avoiding dating after divorce because I truly wanted to be single?
Or was I secretly afraid I would never find a real relationship?
Was I dipping my toe in the dating pool and hopping out every time it got hard?
Was I letting the painful past dictate my future instead of creating the future I wanted?
The truth was, I was saying I didn't want to get married, but secretly hoping and wishing an amazing man would walk into my life. And it wasn't working because I had one foot on the accelerator and another on the brakes.
Avoiding Low-Effort Men in Your Dating Journey
I'm glad I had that conversation. This was such an example of living out what is possible—of intentionally focusing on what you want in your dating life and taking steps to get it. Of taking 100% responsibility.
This is the approach that brings a relationship vision to life. I did a 180 on what I was doing to create love in my life.
I decided that it was up to me if I was going to achieve my goal of a second marriage:
I stopped hoping and wishing
I did the work to change my relationship patterns
I faced the challenge of moving through every hard spot in the dating journey
I refused to settle for low-effort men who weren't willing to meet me halfway
The Rewards of Dating with Intention
And the results have been incredibly worth it. I adore having him in my space. This healthy, happy relationship more than makes up for every past painful moment. I've created and experienced more moments of loving connection in 3 years than the previous 40.
I adore having him in my space. And this is just the beginning.
I embody the results of completing this quest and I pass this on to my clients across the United States. I teach them how to own their dating journey and exercise personal agency. To shed feeling unworthy of love and boldly claim what they want.
Knowing and owning what you truly want is the best prevention for settling for what you don't want or simply letting life happen to you.
If like me, you truly want a loving relationship after divorce, but aren't sure you can make it happen, schedule a call with me to get started on this work.