Indirect communication creates a hotbed for misunderstandings and resentment

But many women have been shamed into believing that direct communication is pushy, aggressive and confrontational

Sometimes the message comes from a “we don’t talk about things” home

Sometimes just from being in a society that doesn’t value your voice

You want to know where the relationship is going but you’ve been told “that’s putting pressure on”

You want to ask to be acknowledged as a partner and put a label on the relationship but been told “that’s controlling”

You want more phone calls and time together, but been told, “that’s childish and needy”

“Emotional” 

“Hysterical” 

“Sensitive”

Even if they haven’t been said to you, if you’ve seen other women described like this, the message is “you’ll be shamed if you ever speak up”

So you hold it all in until the frustration boils over

The fear of conflict and the fear of losing the relationship compels you to hold back and not ask for what you want

Or ask questions that are important to the relationship

There is room for nuance and context, but as a general rule, I teach my clients that THEY GET TO ASK FOR WHAT THEY WANT IN RELATIONSHIPS

You get to ask kindly and clearly, and the other person gets to say “yes” or “no”

When you ask and they give you their answer, it’s easy to make decisions about whether or not this is the relationship for you

What I find is that many women won’t ask for fear of being shamed

Or because they feel an intense discomfort stemming from the fear of rejection or fear of conflict

Or deep down they know what the answer is, but don’t want to make a decision about the relationship

This right here will keep you going around in dating circles

Asking questions, navigating difficult conversations and direct communication is Adulting 101

You need this skill to create a healthy relationship

It starts with getting to clarity about what you want and what needs to be communicated

Losing the self-doubt and overthinking about the legitimacy of your desires

Then crafting clean language to communicate - without accusations or emotional charge

Next, you learn to tolerate the emotional discomfort that comes with speaking up

Setting boundaries doesn’t feel good, the result of boundaries is what feels good

And then doing this over and over until you master the loving practice of speaking up instead of settling for crumbs whether in life or in love

Sis, you get to ask for what you want. And if you need help doing this, it’s time we talk. Schedule your consultation call with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment