Indirect communication creates a hotbed for misunderstandings and resentment
But many women have been shamed into believing that direct communication is pushy, aggressive and confrontational
Sometimes the message comes from a “we don’t talk about things” home
Sometimes just from being in a society that doesn’t value your voice
You want to know where the relationship is going but you’ve been told “that’s putting pressure on”
You want to ask to be acknowledged as a partner and put a label on the relationship but been told “that’s controlling”
You want more phone calls and time together, but been told, “that’s childish and needy”
“Emotional”
“Hysterical”
“Sensitive”
Even if they haven’t been said to you, if you’ve seen other women described like this, the message is “you’ll be shamed if you ever speak up”
So you hold it all in until the frustration boils over
The fear of conflict and the fear of losing the relationship compels you to hold back and not ask for what you want
Or ask questions that are important to the relationship
There is room for nuance and context, but as a general rule, I teach my clients that THEY GET TO ASK FOR WHAT THEY WANT IN RELATIONSHIPS
You get to ask kindly and clearly, and the other person gets to say “yes” or “no”
When you ask and they give you their answer, it’s easy to make decisions about whether or not this is the relationship for you
What I find is that many women won’t ask for fear of being shamed
Or because they feel an intense discomfort stemming from the fear of rejection or fear of conflict
Or deep down they know what the answer is, but don’t want to make a decision about the relationship
This right here will keep you going around in dating circles
Asking questions, navigating difficult conversations and direct communication is Adulting 101
You need this skill to create a healthy relationship
It starts with getting to clarity about what you want and what needs to be communicated
Losing the self-doubt and overthinking about the legitimacy of your desires
Then crafting clean language to communicate - without accusations or emotional charge
Next, you learn to tolerate the emotional discomfort that comes with speaking up
Setting boundaries doesn’t feel good, the result of boundaries is what feels good
And then doing this over and over until you master the loving practice of speaking up instead of settling for crumbs whether in life or in love
Sis, you get to ask for what you want. And if you need help doing this, it’s time we talk. Schedule your consultation call with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment