Maybe I Should Just Stay Single?
Are You Truly Loving Your Single Life or Avoiding Dating After Divorce?
I have a friend who says "I have zero desire to date again after my divorce."
And I believe her.
Her zest for life is evident. She is growing, changing, and doing EVERYTHING else she wants to do. She has traveled solo to many countries, is doing work she loves, and enjoys vibrant relationships. She feels fully alive.
This is not the same as staying single because it's easier than dating after divorce.
I get it.
The fear of intimacy after divorce is very real. When you've been hurt that deeply, the last thing you want is to risk dating again and potentially getting hurt. So you keep your distance from the commitment risk.
The Half-Hearted Dating Cycle
You lurk and dabble half-heartedly on and off the dating apps. You settle for basic romantic relationships and long-distance flirting with low-effort men who won't commit.
Just something to entertain yourself and pass the time.
Someone to fill the space, knowing you won't ever sign the dotted line. So you don't have to address your divorce triggers and past pain.
Life feels comfortable and safe.
When Am I Ready to Date Again?
Every time the desire for real dating comes up, you squelch it. But soon that squelching becomes a habit. You become an expert at suppressing your desire for a relationship.
Everything about dating after divorce starts to seem excessively difficult:
No time
No energy
Too busy to date
Swiping your finger 2 inches on your phone feels as exhausting as hauling bricks.
But here's the truth: you still spend hours overthinking, doing busywork, scrolling social media, binging Netflix, and venting about "men out there." You're doing everything other than what you REALLY want to do – find love and create something extraordinary.
Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
Ask yourself honestly:
Am I avoiding dating because I'm truly happy single or because I'm afraid?
What would I need to feel ready to date again?
Am I making excuses not to grow?
What dating questions would I ask a potential partner if I gave myself permission?
You don't use the time to create a new relationship, but you also don't use it for anything awesome.
Listen, creating a relationship is just a container for personal growth. Dating after divorce is a way to get all your limited thinking out of the way so that you show up to engage and enjoy the very best life has to offer.
The process of dating again stretches and grows you and makes you come alive in amazing new ways—just like traveling the world does for my friend.
It's time to get off the sidelines and get in the game of life. No more low-effort men, no more low-effort dating attempts.
So, do you love your single life or are you just avoiding the growth that comes with dating after divorce?