“I can't bring myself to trust anyone again”
I’ve heard this so many times
What’s fun about this is that the fear doesn’t disappear when you meet someone you love
Last week, I coached a client who was hesitant to introduce her partner to her parents
She was worried that the other shoe would drop if she let this final guard down
Even though we had worked through her Relationship Milestones, her brain was stuck on the need to absolutely trust that he would never change
(Dating milestones are a series of conversations, observations in different environments, activities etc that we design to create certainty that the person they are dating is right for them. We use them after going exclusive to create clear evidence this man will make a good partner)
The final step was the decision that she had enough information to fully commit to the relationship
And this is where the old belief “I can't bring myself to trust anyone again” came roaring back
She knew there was lots of good happening in the relationship, but the fear was still right there:
What if something goes wrong?
What if he changes?
What if he starts drinking?
What if becoming parents stresses our relationship?
What if money troubles creep up?
What helped this client was the work she did to get believe that she gets to decide when she’s ready to trust
She decides that she knows enough to move forward and enjoy the relationship
Trust isn’t something someone else can give you
Trust is something you build in yourself by doing the your due diligence
By answering your own questions (instead of ignoring your intuition or overthinking)
Trust isn’t an assurance that your person isn't going to ever change
Trust is the belief that if something does change, you can handle it
Trust isn’t a belief in your partner, it’s a belief in yourself
The belief that you have eyes wide open to see and choose who this person is
The belief that if life happens, as it does, you would survive and come out better
It’s the knowledge that your life isn’t all about your partner, he’s not your everything
That you have so many other sources of love, support and strength, you can live life and love without fear
And for this client it was exactly what she needed to make the leap this weekend
If the work of developing the trust you need to choose love again while doing the milestones work to make sure you never choose wrong again, DM me to get started
