7 Reasons Why the Dating Apps Aren’t Working For You
The more I work with women dating after divorce, the more I see that a big issue is not that they don't put themselves out there.
It's that they don't put the self that their ideal partner needs to see out there. The person they want isn't clear that they are right for them.
If dating apps aren't working for you, it may be because:
You don't know what parts of who you are and who your partner is are the most important for your relationship to succeed
Your dating profile is nice but doesn't tell the right story for the man you want
You don't ask the right dating questions when messaging on apps—questions that give you the information you need to make a decision about a match
You don't reveal the right things about yourself to keep the person you want interested
You don't know how to tell if a person has the same values or lifestyle as you do
You make assumptions and dismiss people who might be a fit without learning if they are a core value match
And of course the big one: you waver and give too many chances when a low-effort man doesn't match you because you are not anchored in your core values
When you're dating after divorce, especially as a woman over 40, knowing when you're ready to date is just the beginning. The real challenge comes in presenting your authentic self in a way that attracts the right match—not just any match.
Many divorced women struggle with dating apps not because the technology is flawed, but because they haven't clarified what they truly need in a partner. Without this clarity, it's easy to waste time on low-effort men who don't align with your values.
Remember that successful dating after divorce requires knowing both yourself and what questions to ask to reveal compatibility. The right dating questions can quickly separate those who are serious about connection from those who aren't worth your time.