Dating anxiety can look like being tongue-tied and shutting down when you are around a man you feel attracted to
You can't look him in the eye
You run the other way when someone shows interest
Having a conversation feels like there's a frog in your throat
You respond to questions with flustered statements
The whole time your mind is racing:
“What should I say next?”
“I can't think of anything good to say”
“What if he doesn't like me?”
“I'm not interesting. I'm not sure why he's even interested in me.”
“I'm going to mess it up.”
“This was all a mistake”
You're not able to be present with the other person
You don't enjoy yourself
And dating feels like an exhausting ordeal that isn't worth the effort
And so you pull back again and hide in the wings
A simple interaction between you and another human turns into a terror-filled moment
And afterward, you beat yourself up for not doing better
This makes you shrink and avoid putting yourself out there
You delete the dating apps and turn off your Meetup notifications - again
You turn down invitations and stay home
Or you only hang out in the safety of your girls' nights out
Going through the motions even though finding a life partner is important to you
And what's even more frustrating is that this doesn't happen anywhere else in your life
So no one understands why a woman as accomplished and confident as you hasn't figured dating out
The solution is to embrace, understand and learn to dance with dating anxiety instead of running from the experience
It's normal to feel some level of fear or nervousness when interacting with an unfamiliar human
It's a protective mechanism that your brain uses to keep you from getting hurt, failure, rejection, mistakes and disappointment
But dating anxiety is an overreaction - a fire alarm going off saying "this is unfamiliar, we will die!"
If your default setting is "High Alert" it will ruin dating for you
The way out is to become aware of it, learn all about it, embrace what your very intelligent brain is trying to do
And then work with it to let love in while still keeping you safe
Look for the source - why your brain and body have chosen this particular response for this particular moment
You slow down the moment to identify the trigger that creates the shut down
It's trying to protect you
Understanding what it's doing gives you the power to choose a different response - opening up to human connection
You define safety for yourself instead of letting your fear response define safety
If you don't, it will tag everything you want as "unsafe"
Essentially, you make friends with this protective part of you and direct it where you want it to go.
You develop the ability to turn the alarm all the way down
This gives you the power to engage, to smile, to talk, to flirt if you choose to.
Or exercise your power to leave, to end the date to decide that this is not for you - all without freaking out.
Either way, you choose from a position of confidence and certainty.
You'll have fun. The social experience of dating becomes enriching instead of exhausting.
Going on any number of dates becomes an adventure instead of torture. You will feel the emotional shift that helps you engage others effortlessly
All of this makes it inevitable that you'll achieve your outcome of creating the life and love you want.
Dating anxiety doesn't have to be a showstopper. I have helped so many women tackle it and win.
If this is you, for sure schedule a coaching consultation call with me today to resolve Dating Anxiety forever.