Dating After Divorce: Are You Desperate or Just Determined?

For women over 40 navigating the dating landscape after divorce, there's a fine line between appearing eager and taking decisive action. If you're constantly worried about seeming desperate, you might find yourself barely taking any steps forward in your dating journey.

When Am I Ready to Date Again?

Many divorced women hesitate because they're trying to date in a way others will approve of. Your family, friends, the "nebulous they," and the men on dating apps (real or imagined) all seem to have opinions about how you should show up, leaving you second-guessing every move.

This hesitation manifests in various ways:

  • Opening a dating app only to immediately close it

  • Waiting for the perfect "movie star" profile before swiping right

  • Expecting men to always initiate conversation

  • Rejecting potential matches who might not meet your friends' standards

  • Taking weeks or even a month between dating decisions

All this caution stems from avoiding the shame that comes with others' judgments.

Dating Questions to Ask Yourself

In a culture where everyone has something to say about your relationships, you need to ask yourself some critical questions:

  • Am I letting others' opinions control my dating life?

  • What would dating look like if I trusted my own judgment?

  • How much time am I willing to spend waiting for "perfect" conditions?

Breaking Free from Dating Hesitation

Unless you're willing to take full ownership of your dating journey—with or without others' approval—you won't reach your relationship goals. You must become the leader of your own dating experience by:

  1. Creating your own motivation and internal confidence

  2. Believing in your capacity to make the right choices for yourself

  3. Developing tolerance for the feelings that arise when others disapprove

  4. Stopping yourself from shrinking back when faced with disappointment

This takes courage—courage that comes from a deep belief that you can do this. You're more than capable.

Spotting the Low-Effort Man

When you're dating after divorce, being aware of low-effort men is crucial. These are the ones who:

  • Expect you to do all the planning

  • Show minimal investment in getting to know you

  • Take days to respond to messages

  • Suggest last-minute, convenience-based meetups

Recognizing these patterns early saves you time and emotional energy.

The Power of Determination in Dating

With determination rather than desperation, you'll:

  • Stop taking friends' comments personally

  • End confusion and take next steps quickly

  • Adjust your approach and improve with each experience

  • "Fail forward" instead of staying stuck

This is how you accelerate your dating journey—by taking the necessary steps to put yourself out there consistently, not hiding for weeks on end out of fear.

When my clients reach this mindset shift, they typically secure one to two quality dates with good men every week, which often leads to meeting their partners in less than a year.

Remember: Stewing in fear of others' opinions will stop you from meeting your new partner. You're not desperate. You're just determined to get on with your best life.

I can help you move past the fear of others' judgments to get your dating journey back on track. Let's talk TODAY to see if my process is a fit for you.

Want More Help? 

Click Here to Discover Your Core Values Dating Blueprint And How You Can Use It On Dating Apps, and In-Person To Attract Eligible Men Who Match You (without chasing, settling, or wasting time with low-effort men) 

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Where to Date After Divorce: Finding the Right Partner While Avoiding Narcissists

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Will Meeting Your Partner Ever Happen? The Odds Are In Your Favor