Dating After Divorce: Are You Desperate or Just Determined?
For women over 40 navigating the dating landscape after divorce, there's a fine line between appearing eager and taking decisive action. If you're constantly worried about seeming desperate, you might find yourself barely taking any steps forward in your dating journey.
When Am I Ready to Date Again?
Many divorced women hesitate because they're trying to date in a way others will approve of. Your family, friends, the "nebulous they," and the men on dating apps (real or imagined) all seem to have opinions about how you should show up, leaving you second-guessing every move.
This hesitation manifests in various ways:
Opening a dating app only to immediately close it
Waiting for the perfect "movie star" profile before swiping right
Expecting men to always initiate conversation
Rejecting potential matches who might not meet your friends' standards
Taking weeks or even a month between dating decisions
All this caution stems from avoiding the shame that comes with others' judgments.
Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
In a culture where everyone has something to say about your relationships, you need to ask yourself some critical questions:
Am I letting others' opinions control my dating life?
What would dating look like if I trusted my own judgment?
How much time am I willing to spend waiting for "perfect" conditions?
Breaking Free from Dating Hesitation
Unless you're willing to take full ownership of your dating journey—with or without others' approval—you won't reach your relationship goals. You must become the leader of your own dating experience by:
Creating your own motivation and internal confidence
Believing in your capacity to make the right choices for yourself
Developing tolerance for the feelings that arise when others disapprove
Stopping yourself from shrinking back when faced with disappointment
This takes courage—courage that comes from a deep belief that you can do this. You're more than capable.
Spotting the Low-Effort Man
When you're dating after divorce, being aware of low-effort men is crucial. These are the ones who:
Expect you to do all the planning
Show minimal investment in getting to know you
Take days to respond to messages
Suggest last-minute, convenience-based meetups
Recognizing these patterns early saves you time and emotional energy.
The Power of Determination in Dating
With determination rather than desperation, you'll:
Stop taking friends' comments personally
End confusion and take next steps quickly
Adjust your approach and improve with each experience
"Fail forward" instead of staying stuck
This is how you accelerate your dating journey—by taking the necessary steps to put yourself out there consistently, not hiding for weeks on end out of fear.
When my clients reach this mindset shift, they typically secure one to two quality dates with good men every week, which often leads to meeting their partners in less than a year.
Remember: Stewing in fear of others' opinions will stop you from meeting your new partner. You're not desperate. You're just determined to get on with your best life.
I can help you move past the fear of others' judgments to get your dating journey back on track. Let's talk TODAY to see if my process is a fit for you.