2 Things You Need to Do to Date Successfully
A client asked me what my husband’s profile looked like so she could use that as a model for what she chose
I told her what it looked like, but I also told her that she couldn’t skip over the process I went through to both attract and recognize him when he showed up
As much as I would have loved the process to be as simple as going down to a Walmart with a list of features and picking a man off the shelf, it didn’t happen that way
I had to completely shift how I looked at myself, how I looked at relationships, and how I showed up to the dating process
Dating doesn’t have a no-brainer, 3-step formula for success
Not if you want to create a loving, nourishing, legacy-leaving relationship
My original relationship education sounded like this: “find a husband before you graduate college, virginity is the ultimate guarantee for a great marriage, and just submit and you’ll be fine”
We all know how that turned out
If instead of healthy modeling and guidance from healthy adults, you were left to figure it out on your own, or given faulty guidance, you have a gap in maturity making dating an overwhelming and frustrating poop-show
Thusly, you can’t skip over learning how to date and embodying what your healthy relationship looks and feels like
And winging it just makes the journey longer
The cultural narrative is that we should “just know” how to do this relationship thing
Which makes you question yourself and beat yourself up for doing it wrong when you hit an obstacle
You’ll think you’re supposed to just know what to say and do to make it all happen all at once - and it was due yesterday
You’ll obsess over what could be wrong with you and label yourself with self-sabotage
And shame makes you shrink and hide - making it even less likely you succeed
The shame keeps you forever getting ready to start dating, shadowing the dating apps, and watching the men go by without ever filling out your profile or talking to anyone
Feeling like a failure because “everyone” else knows how to do it but you
Yeah, but what about all the happy relationships that happened without any classes, coaching, or formal learning?
Your friend who married her high school sweetheart and lived happily ever after?
Well, we can assume some people have a natural gift for successful relationships
Some others had access to organic mentoring and guidance that fuel the small percentage of marriages that stay together AND aren’t unhappy
For every 21-year-old who got happily married, there are a hundred picking up the pieces
Yep. Some of us just have to figure it out later - and that doesn’t make you a loser
It makes sense that choosing the right fellow human for your life's journey would take some learning, deliberation, curiosity, and self-discovery
It makes sense that there are some fundamentals you need to practice with intention until you meet someone who's right for you
Whether you learn the basics of dating formally or organically, you need to ditch the formulas - what worked for your girlfriend may or may not work for you
You can’t use a 6 point formula to know who to swipe on
You’ll want to start with two basics - know who you are inside out to the point that you can express yourself in a relationship without anxiety or shrinking
And...
Know what you want in another person. This might require learning what you want through getting out there and learning what men are really like
You might think you want an ambitious man, without realizing that there are many shades of ambition and not all of them will give you the experience you want
Coaching with me helps you take the role of the loving adult in your own life - nurturing and guiding yourself through your relationship journey in a safe and yet expansive way
The first step in the process is learning to bring self-discovery, your core values, your best life vision, and your own definition of love into the dating process
You’ll zoom out from simply swiping to seeing the answers to life and love that are already inside of you
You’ll bring your authentic self out for the journey
The first thing that happens is that you feel an internal glow-up
Instead of faking it till you make it, you will feel like you’re walking through life like a grownup
You'll trust yourself to handle whatever comes up along the way when you date
You’ll let go of feeling scarce and insecure about your ability to meet your person
You’ll know that you have everything you need to create the extraordinary relationship you want
You will slow down and explore
You won’t be needy because you’re so in touch with yourself that all your emotional needs feel satisfied
You’ll step out looking to share love, not looking to get love
You'll meet a ton of good men, you'll enjoy the dating process
You'll experience love every day and you'll create the love you want because enjoying the process is the fuel you need to stay on the path consistently enough to meet the One
The internal results alone are amazing, but the ultimate result is finding the love you've been yearning for
Investing those 6 months to create a lifetime of happiness is absolutely worth it
Learn more about working with me to meet your partner after divorce