Signs That You Overfunction in Romantic Relationships
If you’re like my clients, you want help with no longer attracting men who don’t want to do the work
This problem is directly tied to what I call “High Tolerance for Relationship Neglect”
It means when you’re with a man or other people who are low effort in the relationship, it doesn't bother you until it reaches excessive levels.
Here’s how to know if you have this:
You don’t notice until after the breakup that he was saying things, but his actions didn’t match
You frequently find yourself doing more than your fair share of the relationship work - calling, creating conversation, scheduling fun and adventure.
You find yourself in relationships with no mutual reciprocity. Your partner’s contribution is less than fair in attention, time investment and effort, but they always seem to have a good reason for doing so
You have a tendency to be over-responsible in all your relationships. You overgive and then feel betrayed when you finally realize you’ve been left with nothing
If this is you, the root cause is that you are pretty content with not experiencing high levels of care and love. You underestimate what you want and need from a partner. It’s possible that your emotional needs were not met as a child or in your first marriage and now you have become accustomed to being emotionally neglected.
When this happens, you have no idea what to look for in a partner. The behaviors go on for months before you realize that, once again, you need to go through a painful breakup.
To end this cycle:
Learn what your needs are - emotional, psychological, physical, sexual, intellectual, lifestyle. It’s very likely that you are living at a much lower level of life opportunity than you have the potential for. Are you living your best life? What areas are missing? What was missing from your childhood?
Make those needs your #1 priority.
Your parents can no longer make the emotional deposits you needed as a child.
It’s now your responsibility to do this work. Become equipped to create a life where your needs are being met. Do you have emotional safety and calm? Do you have joy and a sense of fun and adventure?
Get clear on what a man who desires mutual reciprocity looks like
How will you know he is willing to put in the effort? Write it out in detail
Observe your dates and make decisions based on your newfound clarity around effort.
Walk away instead of spending 6 months tolerating neglect.
Mastering these steps is how you stop attracting low effort men.
You will be able to spot them 10 miles away and they won’t even get the opportunity to waste your time. This leaves lots of room for your high effort, team mate and partner to find you.
This process of getting clear on what a healthy relationship looks like is one my clients apply in precise detail in our work together.
Schedule a consult with me to get started with coaching: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment