Rabbit Trails
When dating, your brain will start trying to solve a very different problem from the one you set out to solve.
You set out to find a life partner, someone loving, interesting, trustworthy, committed and compatible with you on all levels
But soon, your brain sabotages your goal by running off on other rabbit trails
You get a text from someone shady, and then you set out to catch him in a lie
You want to verify what’s true or not true
You fill your hours with reverse image searches, court record checks, and internet research.
Your brain wants the high from figuring him out and proving him wrong.
You meet a man who texts infrequently and you set out to figure out “How do I get this person to text me back?” You’ll find yourself checking your phone 1000 times a day waiting for the dopamine hit from a single text.
A crumb of validation before he disappears for another two weeks
Or you decide that the current guy is good enough to "fill the gap for now"
Your brain develops tunnel vision about one person because it is seeking comfort, pleasure and the security of not being alone.
Your brain doesn’t particularly care if he’s right for you or not, or if you’re loved and cherished in the relationship.
It's an urge to overattach and it clouds your perspective
You forget that there is an abundance of new people and new opportunities available to you every single day
But it’s not happening because there’s something wrong with you or because you’re broken
It’s happening because this is how the brain was designed to work
A new relationship is a VERY SCARY GOAL, so the brain wants to keep you safe either by distracting you with the busywork of trying to figure out a clearly unsuitable guy
or
latching on to the nearest warm body and hyperfocusing there
You forget to check if this person is even a match for you
You forget your vision for the relationship you set out to find
You forget that there's a big beautiful world out there and an abundance of good people to meet
You're stuck in the tiny bubble created by one person
This is what turns the dating journey into a long and windy emotional rollercoaster
Either way it gets you to slow down or give up on the pursuit of the VERY SCARY GOAL of a healthy relationship
It wants to keep you from feeling potential failure or disappointment
Dating is not about figuring each man out
It’s not about what to say to get him to text you back
It’s not about keeping him attracted so you don’t lose him
It’s not about research, and obsessive overthinking
Successful dating is about keeping your long-term goal in view
And evaluating every dating interaction from that place
It’s about a clear focus on living a life big enough to bring you into contact with a true match for you
Once you have the right tools, you can end the confusing rollercoaster and own the dating journey
Keeping your space clear for the right man instead of wasting months on the wrong one
To keep the lower brain from sabotaging their search, I teach you the skill of non-attachment - redirecting yourself back to your original goal and relationship standards
And keeping your focus there until you meet the one
This is work that is worth doing. Imagine meeting your person and having him for the rest of your life. Deleting the apps - knowing that you’ve deleted them for the last time. Imagine planning the wedding and years ahead of laughter and companionship
This is the very scary goal that your lower brain is afraid you won’t achieve, but it is 100% available to you if you want it
I can help you make dating simple and successful. Let’s have a conversation about it.
Schedule a call with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment