Being Pursued: Redefining Dating After Divorce
For divorced women over 40 navigating the dating landscape, the concept of "being pursued" can be both comforting and problematic. Let's explore what healthy pursuit actually looks like when dating after divorce.
The Pursuit Paradox
"I want to be pursued." "I like him because he pursues me."
These familiar thoughts might feel natural, but they can blind you to important relationship dynamics. When you're focused solely on being pursued:
You might miss when he's rushing romantic gestures to fast-track your relationship
Those consistent good morning and goodnight texts might distract you from realizing you only see him once a month (classic low-effort man behavior)
Your desire to be chased can lead to surrendering your agency in the relationship
Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
The traditional belief that men should pursue women creates a problematic dynamic:
The pursuer implies there's one being pursued
"Men are hunters" implies you're prey
These subconscious beliefs can make you doubt your inner wisdom about dating red flags
When deciding if you're ready to date again after divorce, examine these questions:
What dating beliefs am I carrying from my past?
How are these beliefs affecting my current dating experiences?
Am I creating the same dating patterns over and over?
Reclaiming Your Dating Power
A lifetime of outdated beliefs and unclear relationship definitions can derail your dating journey after divorce, making it feel like you're starting from scratch every few months.
Take time to examine the beliefs running your dating experiences:
What results are these beliefs creating?
Are you moving closer to the love you want?
Or are you reliving the same disappointing dating story repeatedly?
When Am I Ready to Date Successfully?
You're ready when you can decide what experience you want while dating and stick to that decision. That's where your true power lies.
When you redefine "being pursued," it transforms into exactly what you want – a relationship with a healthy partner who genuinely puts in effort and reciprocates your interest authentically.
But you won't recognize this healthy pursuit if you don't take an honest look at what's actually happening in your dating life.
Moving Forward
When you work with me as your coach, we'll uncover the hidden beliefs driving your current dating results after divorce. Together, we'll transform those beliefs so you can create the relationship you truly deserve – one where you're valued, respected, and authentically pursued by someone worthy of your time and heart.