Dating After Divorce: Finding Love When You're Ready
The Essential Journey of Being Alone Before Dating Again
The art of spending time alone often comes up as a crucial growth opportunity while dating after divorce. One of the most powerful ways to train your intuition to help you choose a good partner is to embrace solitude first.
Dating Questions to Ask Yourself
What comes up for you when you've said no to the last three people in your dating app queue and there's no one else in the pipeline?
Do you get lonely or restless?
What do you fill the space with?
Entertainment? Sleep? Food? Other people?
What if you could use that space to sit with yourself and get to know who you really are on the inside? Can you be there for yourself and engage with that internal conversation that you've been putting off for years?
When Am I Ready to Date Again?
No one enjoys turning the lens inward. We don't know what we might find. Focusing on our own thoughts and feelings means we become responsible for resolving whatever comes up.
After a divorce, you might experience not knowing who you are and what your identity is anymore. The cure is to find out by looking inward:
Taking a break from everyone else's opinions, issues, thoughts or behaviors
Focusing on your own needs and desires
Letting the feelings of restlessness, boredom, emptiness, and longing come up
Instead of pushing them back down and covering them up with whatever keeps you busy and distracted
You may get temporary relief, but the weekend rolls around again and there's that black hole staring at you again.
Recognizing the Low-Effort Man
When you haven't done the inner work, you're more likely to attract and accept a low-effort man - someone who doesn't fully show up emotionally or invest in the relationship.
Remember when you had kids and you'd spend time looking at each other, mirroring faces? It may be time to become that mirror for yourself:
To hold space for yourself in the way that no one else can
To look inside with compassion and self-acceptance at whatever you find
Loving whatever version of yourself is feeling the way you feel—the grown woman or the little girl, the diva or the tired sister, the mean girl or the CEO
Building a Foundation for Successful Dating
Bringing love to the whole human that you are is essential before beginning new dating relationships. You want a partner who lets you be yourself and who accepts you for everything that you are.
The first step to finding him is for you to show up for everything that you are. You have to do it for yourself first.
When you do, you'll know exactly what it looks like for someone to show up for you. You'll easily recognize and choose a man who can do the same, and you'll never feel attracted to an emotionally unavailable man again.
I can help you create this space to truly rediscover and love yourself again, setting the foundation for successful dating after divorce.