Self-Awareness & Growth after Divorce

I was married for 17 years. At the end I made him get a psych eval and it came back bipolar disorder. I was religious, trying to hold everything together, build our house, do all the right things. But when our kids got older and I started setting some boundaries, he couldn't handle it. He ended up filing for divorce.

You don't know the person you married until you go through a divorce. If you thought stuff was happening in the marriage, you'll see ten times worse during the divorce - especially around money and custody. My ex wanted to burn it all to the ground. Winner takes all, that kind of person.

Coming out on the other side, I was confused about why things ended that way. I always knew he was extreme in his thinking - that part I wasn't confused about. I was confused about why I didn't see it earlier. So I decided whatever wasn't going right in my own thinking, we're going to fix that.

I've been on this eight-year journey of really digging into what went wrong. Not like 'oh, he's a narcissist' - but more like, what was I thinking? Why did I make the decisions that I made? I even did a whole podcast episode called 'Why I Married My Ex' where I revisited every moment I could have made a different decision, the thoughts that led me there. Because I do not want to repeat that, and I can't fix it if I don't know what's going on.

Everything I learned along the way is what I brought to coaching. I help women with divorce recovery, and now mostly with dating and getting married again. Some of my clients just want domestic partnerships - there are so many options now.

A lot of women are afraid to step out again, and that's legitimate. It would not be wise to just hop out there and do it again. If they're taking their time, being deliberate, asking questions - that's the right thing. Divorce is one of the most stressful things that can happen to a person. It takes a huge toll financially, physically, on the children. If you've been divorced once or twice, you certainly don't want to do it again.

Sade Curry, Life Coach for Divorced Women

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