How I Got Ghosted...

There was this time I got ghosted when dating. 

I got pretty attached to someone after our first date. 

He then ghosted me the same week.

At first I was devastated. 

Then I realized,  “I don’t even know this man. What am I spinning in despair about?”

So I changed my dating process to hold space for the ambiguity of not knowing who a man is until I got to the truth.

I learned to become unattached to any particular man being “the one” until my standards and milestones had been met.

I stopped falling in love until a man was 100% proven

Falling in love was in my control, it wasn’t something that “just happened” to me

I let men self-select themselves out of my life by showing up authentically, asking for what I wanted and enjoying myself while doing it.

Guess what happened?

I stopped getting ghosted.

Dating became fun again.

Now I was the one telling the guys that they weren’t for me.

I got to pick and choose until “The One” came along.

My clients get good at doing this

It takes the emotional pain and exhaustion out of dating

And accelerates their journey to meeting “The One’

If you want a drama-free, practical journey to love after divorce, schedule your consult call with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Do Opposites Really Attract?

Opposites attract, but they don’t always make a healthy relationship

And we all know trying to fit a square peg in a round hole is the biggest waste of time

Every relationship requires some amount of willingness to be flexible and compromise

But...

In unhealthy relationships, either one partner is often doing all the changing and adapting, Or…

the differences are so vast that bridging the gap takes a toll on the psyche of the partners to the point that the changes become unhealthy

We all know that being attracted to someone isn’t enough to create happiness

But the true test is whether or not you are willing to accept the reality of the compatibility level you have with someone

And walk away if he’s not right for you

How to know when a man is right for you is a core teaching of my Dating After Divorce coaching program

I work with my clients so they know what compatibility is, why it’s important and how to identify it when they meet someone

Every client learns to define her own unique process for evaluating potential partners and end the cycle of wasted time and wasted emotional energy.

The biggest benefit of this work is that she knows exactly what to do to keep from getting stuck in indecision

My clients build confidence and certainty to date without overthinking

They uncover their blind spots so they never get scammed again

They have a step by step decision filter they can use on any man they meet to decide whether to proceed or move on

They stop getting attached to and falling completely in love with someone they haven’t fully evaluated or are not compatible with

They learn how to detach quickly and easily when they find that a man is not a fit, no matter how long they’ve been dating him

Armed with these skills, they successfully stay out of unhealthy relationships while actively dating until the right man comes along

If you’ve ever been stuck in a cycle of toxic relationships, you know how exhausting it can be

Coaching with me using this decision making framework is the way to end it forever

Ready to do this? Book a free coaching session with me. http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Do You Have Resistance to Dating?

Do you have resistance to dating seriously after your divorce?

You put it off and ignore the voice nudging you towards growth.

You think, “Someday I will date again, but eh, I don’t want to right now?”

If you have, did you ever ask yourself why?

Some people have amazing reasons for not dating:

“I’m still healing”

“I want to focus on my career”

“I want to focus on my kids”

For a while, I chose not to date because I wanted to focus on building financial stability after the divorce

When I wasn’t dating. I shut the door firmly on the apps.

And when I was dating, I did all the things to get the result I wanted - a loving partner and a new marriage.

If you’ve decided not to date and love your reason why, that’s great.

However, if you say you’ve decided not to date, but you spend so much time thinking about getting out there, spinning in indecision about it, constantly changing your mind, getting off and on the apps, letting unsuitable guys slide in your DMs, then we need to talk.

Flip flopping on the dating issue is the best way to waste a ton of time and energy.

You say you’re not dating to focus on something else, but you spend so much time thinking about dating

All this keeps you from the life you want.

You lose momentum making and unmaking the decision

Procrastinating, feeling overwhelmed, not managing time, not moving forward.

You neither find a suitable partner, nor create something equally amazing

The truth is our brains like for us to do nothing. It wants to stay in the comfort zone, to keep you distracted from taking real action towards the life you want

You are wired with the fear of change and fear of going out of the comfort zone

You are afraid of doing it wrong, of ending up with the wrong person, not knowing how, being rejected, of the amount of effort you think it will take

Stop letting your lower non-conscious brain make the decision for you

Face up to the truth of what you REALLY WANT

You are the boss. Decide and commit

And when you do, put your brain’s focus on whatever you choose to do, take action and get it done

If you’re thinking about dating & getting married again, I want to invite you to book a consultation call with me

I will walk you through what you’re doing well with dating, what’s not going well, and what you need to do differently

If you’re serious about creating your dream relationship, this call will change everything for you. 

Schedule here now: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Create Room for Mr. Right

2 out of 3 of the women who work with me ask for help ending a relationship they know isn’t good for them.

Decluttering your dating space is the first step to finding an amazing relationship.

Connecting with the man you want requires presence of mind and clear thinking.

It’s hard to think clearly about what you want when you’re being pulled in 10 different directions by:

The ex from high school who’s been getting your hopes up with platonic messages but not asking you out.

The guy you met online who blows hot and cold, appears then disappears.

The guy you have an amazing connection with, but keeps you walking on eggshells around him.

It’s hard to develop creative dating solutions when you’re spinning and overanalyzing your current unfulfilling relationship.

Your brain can only process so much at a time and it prioritizes solving problems and keeping you safe over having fun and enjoying your life.

So if a really nice, loving man came into your orbit while all this drama is playing out, your brain will put blinders on and block him out because it’s trying to fix problems and the nice guy is for sure not important right now.

When you are in fight or flight mode, your brain ignores everything but what it considers dangerous.

Women in relationships often talk about how they found an amazing, decent guy when they finally gave up trying for a relationship and started to just enjoy their lives.

This does happen, but it’s not a mysterious phenomenon.

By moving themselves out of fight or flight mode, they were able to finally relax and their brain opened up to new possibilities.

But there’s a better way

I teach my clients to get out of fight or flight mode AND also keep up dating activities.

They let go of all the guys cluttering up their experience and keeping them on the drama cycle.

They rediscover what brings them joy, their standards for a great relationship and who they are really looking for.

They switch from looking at dating as a chore into seeing it as an adventure.

They start to have fun.

And they find their person.

If your current dating experience has you seeing or messaging someone you know isn’t good for you, but somehow you can’t bring yourself to break it off permanently, I can help you.

Schedule your consult call with me: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Dating is Exhausting

What emotion do you feel at the thought of dating?

Let me guess: Exhausted.

The frustration over not having found THE ONE.

Annoying texts.

Men who don’t act right.

The act of dating itself is not exhausting.

Swipes don’t burn calories.

What’s exhausting is the emotional toll caused by autopilot negativity.

Let’s say you met three pretty good men in a row - yay!

But none of them was right for a long-term commitment - boo.

The tendency is to think “I’ll never meet the one” instead of “I’m getting better at picking good guys and this app has some good men.”

One of those thoughts is exhausting and the other is energizing.

If dating is exhausting instead of fun, the solution is not to wipe the world clean of the men you don’t want. 

The solution is elevating your patterns of thinking and managing your emotional state.

You become aware of the thoughts fueling the exhaustion,

Then shift into an emotional state that keeps you moving your goal forward.

Choose “I can’t wait to see who shows up next” instead of “there’s no one in my city.”

And “Dodged a bullet, yay!” instead of three weeks of venting about a guy who ghosts.

The “dating is exhausting” bandwagon turns every experience that doesn't produce THE ONE into a crisis.

Depleting the emotional fuel you need to get your goal of finding love that lasts.

Here’s a simple way to shift and choose thinking that energizes you:

Sit with the exhaustion and ask:

-Why am I exhausted?

-What happened?

-What am I thinking about what happened?

-What behavior is this thinking creating?

-Is this moving me toward or away from my goal?

-How can I shift into a more empowering state?

Doing this gives you control over your emotional state.

And keep your brain from overdramatizing each event.

You’ll shift into being in charge of the next step.

And experience your full potential to create anything you want.

My clients are using these steps to create powerful dating results.

And you can do it too.

Schedule your consult call here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Looking for Love in all the Wrong Places

It’s true that a secret to dating success is that you need to take massive action, but this is only true to a certain point

There’s a caveat

Because I’ve talked to ladies who are frustrated because they’ve swiped, given chances, gone on every date 

And come up empty-handed

You don’t really to go on 500+ dates to find the one

I went on less that 20 first dates over the course of 18 months before I met the One

This does not mean to imply that going on 600 dates is wrong

Action is essential, but you need to take the right kind of action

You have put yourself out there, but you need to do it in the right places

Dating all the men in the wrong rooms will waste your time and energy

This is a critical mindset for divorced women who don’t have huge swaths of time to spend dating

We are raising children, staying healthy, working full time and building side hustles

I had all of these going when I was dating

I couldn’t be out every night of the week with another “I’ll give him a chance” randomite from the apps

Dating in the wrong spaces will get you nowhere

Your plan for connecting with your person needs a strong WHY, a clear WHO and an effective WHERE

Last week I gave away my list of 101 Places to meet potential partners. This is list a baby step for my ladies who have not gotten started putting themselves out there

When you haven’t done any dating at all, you just need to get out there - it really doesn’t matter where

For those who aren’t getting the results you want, the next level is when you know exactly where to go to meet the specific type of partner you are looking for

My husband would not be found on the driving range, or fishing club or paragliding meetup

(Fun story, I went on a few dates with a guy who was into this. It was a no for me)

My person is a book-signing, art museum, writer’s conference type

I knew this before I met him

I deep dived enough to be clear on who he was

My profile and adventures on my journey reflected that this was who I was looking for

I walk every client of my through my tools that help them define where to look for THEIR person

She combines WHO she is looking for with WHERE he can be found

So that when she’s taking massive action, it’s super-targeted and doesn’t take forever for them to connect

So she finds the one in less than 50 dates instead of 500 by looking for him in all the right places

While giving appropriate attention to her career and kids while achieving her goal of getting remarried

If this sounds like what you are looking for, schedule a consult call with me: http://Sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Decision to Get Remarried

There was a time I wasn't sure getting married again was for me.

I was free and fresh out of the dark fog of divorce

It was awesome

I couldn’t imagine anyone invading my space

Throwing a wrench in my plans

Not holding up their end of the partnership

I was going to keep myself safe and happy flying solo

I had my Golden Girls picked out and decided when the time came, we would buy a home by the beach and retire together

(This still sounds kind of fun, actually)

Then I met a divorcée who also had decided not to get married again

But she had way better reasons than I did

“I’ve really never wanted to be coupled. I knew before I got married the first time that marriage wasn’t for me, but I did it to make the people around me happy”

She had no desire to get married AND she was spending ZERO time thinking about dating and remarriage.

None.

She was out in the world, traveling and building and living the life she knew she was meant to live

I, on the other hand, was making my decision based on running away from the challenge of creating the life that deep down I wanted 

I wanted a real relationship, but I was secretly afraid I would never find on

I was dipping my toe in the water and hopping out every time it got hard

I was letting the painful past dictate the future instead of creating the future I wanted

I was saying I didn’t want to get married, but secretly hoping and wishing an amazing man would walk into my life

And it wasn’t working because I had one foot on the accelerator and another on the brakes

I’m glad I had that conversation. This was such an example of living out what is possible

Of intentionally focusing on what you want in life

And taking steps out to get it

Of taking 100% responsibility

This is the approach that brings a relationship vision to life

I did a 180 on what I was doing to create love in my life

I decided that it was up to me if I was going to achieve my goal of a second marriage

I stopped hoping and wishing

I did the work to change my relationship patterns

I faced the challenge of moving through every hard spot in the journey

And the results have been incredibly worth it

I adore having him in my space

This healthy, happy relationship more than makes up for every past painful moment

I’ve created and experienced more moments of loving connection in 3 years than the previous 40

I adore having him in my space

And this is just the beginning

I embody the results of completing this quest and I pass this on to my clients

I teach them how to own their journey and exercise personal agency

To shed feeling unworthy of love and boldly claim what they want

Knowing and owning what you truly want is the best prevention for settling for what you don’t want or simply letting life happen to you

If like me, you truly want a loving relationship, but aren’t sure you can make it happen, schedule a call with me to get started on this work

http://Sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

How long?

Change is always possible

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve been trying

It doesn’t matter how long you’ve “failed” at it

You can create a different outcome

You just have to put yourself in the space where the change you want happens over and over again

When it comes to creating love after divorce, I have created a coaching space where it happens over and over

How long have you been trying to meet your ideal partner and get married again?

Or change the relationship you are in?

Or get stop ruminating over your ex?

Or break up with that man you know isn’t right for you?

How long have you been waiting for real love?

Has it taken so long that you think it’s not possible any more?

The length of time you’ve been working on it has nothing to do with the possibility of creating it now

If anything, getting the love you want is more possible now than ever.

And I want to talk to you about just how possible this change is for you, no matter what your circumstances are.

I have been coaching divorced women to change their lives and create real love for years now.

I’ve seen almost every combination of relationship challenges.

And my clients are getting better results even faster.

My process is clearer than ever and my clients are creating love sooner.

Now is the best time to schedule your free consultation call with me.

Today. Right now. Not next week. Not next month. Not when you have “more time.”

Seriously. Nobody ever gets more time.

Why would you put off getting to the root of what’s been keeping you in toxic cycles?

Why would you want to miss out on one whole hour of you and I putting our heads together to outline the solution you’ve been looking for?

You are ready for love now. You deserve love now.

There’s a reason you’re reading this right now. Give yourself permission to have the love you want.

My calendar is open now. It takes 2 minutes to sign up. Schedule with link in bio.

Click here to Schedule your call now.

What actually creates Dating Success?

What ACTUALLY creates success in dating?

A client of mine told me that her other single friends questioned her decision.

“What in the world is a dating coach, and why would you hire one?”

This question sums up the common misconceptions people have about what it takes to meet and partner with a loving and trustworthy man.

They think that all you need is to swipe enough times and get lucky enough to meet a good man. This is the "relationships are a lottery" belief. It’s simply luck and you don’t need a coach for that!

They think what creates success is:

• Finding the right app

• Putting the magic words in your profile

• Dress up and look nice

• Swipe 1000x and go out on 300 dates

• Being nice - giving any and all men a chance

• Swing from being more picky to being less picky every week

• Send the right text from the list you downloaded online

• Follow the dating “rules”

But then you’re doing all the things listed, but it’s still not working, so you become exhausted and give up, blame "the world out there” or think that it’s because there’s something wrong with you.

But going online and swiping is just scratching the surface of the true requirements to create real love.

Here’s what you ACTUALLY NEED  to meet high quality suitors and create a match within six months or less:

• The confidence to be your fully expressed and authentic self so that you show up attracting people who match who you are

• Clarity on who the right man for you will be, so you stop trying to fit square pegs in round holes

• A high value dating strategy that includes both online and organic ways to meet men who are compatible with you (not just random dudes from an app)

• The confidence and mindset to show up consistently to meet people online and offline

• The emotional energy and mindset to not getting burned out every week and taking long breaks - which slows down your journey

• Becoming an excellent judge of character - without being judgmental - so you stop “hoping” every man is the one

• A life you enjoy and are present in everyday - so that not having a partner yet doesn’t make you sit in despair, desperation and frustration

• Complete healing from past toxic relationship patterns so you stop repeating them

• The next level of social skills to connect with people, make an impact and be memorable - both online and offline

…These and more are what my clients master when they work with me

Relationships are not a casual consideration. Yes, dating is a challenge. The more reason to be serious about getting good at getting results. Now, not later.

Here’s your invitation to stop scratching the surface, work with me and get the love you want.

Schedule your consult call here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Remarriage Stories

Many of the happiest marriages around you are second marriages

I was oblivious to this until I told people I was divorced

Then they opened up

My credit union banker of 15 years told me she'd been divorced and now remarried for 20 years when I called to take myself off our joint account

A woman told me her parents had had to come rescue her from her first abusive marriage and her current marriage was the second for both of them - I’d known her for 8 years and had no idea

As the stories came rolling in, I realized that what people called "broken" was just life and it was everywhere

Many of us simply get it wrong the first time around

Because we thought we were doing the right thing

Because we were too young

Because we had no idea what we were doing or how to do it

Because we were trusting and fell for a lie

Because we got pressured into a decision

Because someone changed

The remarriage stories I heard gave me just enough hope and belief to be willing to try again to do the work to make it happen

If your view of dating and finding a partner after divorce is bleak and discouraged, I challenge you to reach out to 5 remarried couples and ask them how they met and what the journey from divorce to remarriage looked like

Those stories will be way better fuel for your journey than venting about dating horror stories over and over

Your brain has a negativity bias and it loves to collect and create scenarios that show you how impossible what you want is

Turn your focus to where you are going and you're more likely to get there

Creating focus on success stories is not a one and done event. When you are pursuing a big goal like a healthy relationship, leaving your mindset to chance won’t cut it

You will spiral into doubt, discouragement and apathy unless you have a strong plan to remove limiting beliefs and unproductive habits while learning the dating skills you need

Developing the belief & focus needed to successfully date and get married again is a skill I teach in my coaching program.

Schedule a consult call with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

I will walk you through how I help divorced women date with ease and get married again and you can become the next success story. Let’s do it.

Dating Skills

You weren’t born with dating skills

There’s no high school class for creating a profile that attracts the man you want

No college class for setting boundaries on dating apps

Or healing unhealthy relationship patterns after a divorce

But you’ve always had the skill of learning to do something new

And You have that skill at any age

What works is learning how to show up with clarity about who you are and what you want

Evaluating each person quickly against a set of predefined criteria and values

Based on powerful decisions you’ve made ahead of time based on the vision of the life you want to live and the relationship you want to have

Not swiping a thousand profiles while spinning in indecision about “giving them a chance”

What works is messaging to the world exactly what you are looking for in a partner

Living in certainty about your life vision and the relationship you are creating

Not questioning yourself about every guy that comes along or going into CIA mode doing background checks on creepy people

Meet guys, message exactly what you want, make quick evaluations and decisions, get the relationship you want

If this sounds simple, it’s because it is

And you can learn how

Want the skill of dating successfully after divorce and finding and keeping the healthy relationship you want?

Schedule your consult call with me: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Healing before Dating

Finding a loving and healthy partner after divorce is not for the lucky few

If you don’t have it yet, it's not because no one likes you

Or your city being too small

Or all the good men being taken

Or all the men want younger women

Or you’re too intimidating or too successful

It’s not because you have kids

Or because you want kids

It’s not because you’re chubby or skinny

Women everywhere have found loving, healthy partners in the same scenarios you think are working against you

Thinking that there’s something wrong with you isn’t useful

The real problem is the emotional drama you carry with you on your dating process

It’s affecting how you show up, what you do and how you do it

Feeling insecure will have you tolerating men you put you down

Unhealed childhood stuff will have you subconsciously looking for someone to parent you and controlling men will show up

Codependency have you diagnosing and fixing men with issues

Fear of conflict or fear of intimacy will keep you avoiding and holding men at arm’s length

Self-doubt, shame, emotional regression, poor boundaries, indecision, fear of conflict etc., can keep you from having a dating experience that works for you

Your brain is powerful and it will keep you solving the problem it thinks is the most important thing - even if it’s the opposite of what you want

You can learn to retrain your brain to solve the right problem - looking for healthy, safe and loving people

I work with my clients step by step to master how to see their blind spots and clear them up so they can Attract a Healthy & Loving Ideal Partner 

We simplify your dating process by getting the emotional drama out of the way

To learn the skill of dating successfully after divorce and finding and keeping the healthy relationship you want, schedule your consult call with me: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

How are You Showing Up?

Soooooo…your dating app queue is currently showing all the wrong types of men

Too far away

Not compatible

Weird

Scammers

That definitely happens

I don’t know anyone who’s used a dating app and hasn’t had the same queue at one time or another

It isn’t fun, but letting it drag you into despair and overwhelm isn’t necessary

You don’t have to entertain the super scary thoughts

Thinking all your chances are gone

Thinking you won’t ever meet a guy

Thinking it’s hopeless and you’ll be alone forever

Thinking no one will love the real you

And I know it all feels true

But it’s just the default thinking that surfaces when you don’t have your goal YET

When you haven’t met a goal, your brain’s default choice of thoughts is that it will NEVER happen

The uncoached brain is like a kid on a road trip saying, “Are we there yet, are we there yet?” a thousand times on the way

Just because you’re not there yet has no bearing on when you will achieve your goal

You could meet someone TODAY

Letting the brain run all over creates a high pressure, desperate, and frustrated attitude that eventually spirals down into despair 

If you don’t resolve this rollercoaster will create an attitude that comes out in how you engage with the dating process

It shows up in the way you communicate with men and the way you talk about yourself

It dampens your creativity and zest for life

It shows up in the way you connect and the way you build relationships

You get into tunnel vision and forget that you already have so much life to live and you can enjoy TODAY

You look around your very tiny bubble and think “there’s no one out there” - forgetting just how big the world is and how you couldn’t exhaust all the relationship opportunities that exist if you tried

Those thoughts make the dating process an awful experience

They become a self-fulfilling prophecy that end with you sitting on the couch in your pajamas every weekend

You get so disappointed that you take yet another 3 month break

Instead of embracing the life you DO have and making the most of every opportunity

But...

I’d like you to know that you’re not alone

Everyone experiences this toddler brain at some level

Like I said, it’s the brain's default mode

It interprets everything that happens as a reason to go into fight, flight or freeze mode

It throws a tantrum when it doesn’t get its way

I’m very familiar with my own brain and have multiple tools and techniques to help you tame it

So that your thoughts and emotions support you all the way into the arms of Mr. Right

In my coaching program, we deal with this issue when it comes around - and it can come round a few times

It’s the mindset part of the program that keeps your thoughts moving along the track of success instead of the track of despair

I teach you what to expect at each phase of the dating process and how to approach it with a powerful mindset

When your mental strength is up and can keep up your strategic optimism, you are able to stay on track

You have the motivation and engagement to keep meeting and dating without being too focused on the challenges of each phase

You get to see that each phase has its own characteristics and they are all just stepping stones on the journey

Working with me helps you solidify and stay focused your WHY for the relationship you want and gets you fortified for the journey ahead

I coach you every week to keep your belief, energy and attitude at 100% the whole way as you work the custom action plan that we create specifically for dating success in your unique situation

You get to enjoy your amazing life now while working on the life you want

Because you’re beautiful, capable and 100% lovable already

Schedule your consult call today: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Healing & Clarity Makes Dating Easier

When you’ve been divorced, the last thing you want to do is head into another marriage with the wrong person! Believe me, I know from experience how difficult and uncomfortable it can be to begin the journey of dating again.

But I did it, got remarried and you can too. You really can.

When you work with me you learn how to find clarity on the kind of man you want - and find good men who are compatible with you on every level - spiritual, emotional, intellectual and physical.

You work through an emotional recovery program that helps you create freedom and joy about your life and future until you eliminate painful feelings and triggers from your childhood or past relationships and connect with yourself: your passion, purpose and vision.

You learn healthy relationship skills you may have missed growing up, stop self-sabotage from people pleasing, overattachment or feelings of rejection.

In addition, you learn to seal the deal by nurturing safety and emotional connection with your chosen partner and increasing the levels of commitment all the way from “first date” to “I do”.

When you know how to skillfully navigate the dating process, you don’t waste time, energy and money with the wrong guys. You can move faster towards your goal: successfully creating a stream of reliable commitment-minded men to date and then nurturing the right relationship all the way to a loving marriage that lasts a lifetime.

This was the secret to my finding a loving, nurturing, and compatible life partner.

It really can be that easy. The only thing between you and feeling amazing, dating with ease and getting married again is healing the right emotional wounds and learning the skills you need to date and succeed in a healthy relationship

Ready to do this? Schedule your consult call today: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

How to Create a Dating Profile

Creating a dating profile that gets you attention, likes, pokes and messages because it speaks to a wide range of men is a waste of time

Your goal on an app is not to have “all the men” messaging you. It is to have your ideal person messaging you

The one who matches your values on all levels: spiritually, emotionally, intellectually and lifestyle

You want to include messaging specifically targeted at your ideal partner so that he sits up and takes notice when he sees your profile

You want him to say “that’s exactly what I’ve been looking for

You don’t want to sound interchangeable with any other woman out there because you’re not generic

You are unique, a star like no other. You want your profile reflect it YOU

Tall order? Not if you know who you really are

And who you are determines who would be right for you

Successful dating requires that you know yourself and what makes you unique

And knowing how to communicate that online in a way that attracts your ideal man and repels everyone else

You want the time-wasters to look at your profile and say “ew, she looks like she requires effort” and move merrily along to waste someone else’s time

My client Ginger, met her person in April, 3 weeks after we cleaned up her profile

If you are dating online, an effective profile accelerates your journey

And makes it simple to reach the person you’re looking for

And that’s just the beginning of the work we do together to accelerate your journey from divorce to re-partnering or remarriage

To work with me to get this journey done, your first step is to book your consult call: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

The Fear of Intimacy after Divorce

Do you love your single life or are you just avoiding growth?

I once had a conversation with a divorced lady in a travel group who said she had zero desire to get married again

I totally believed her

Her zest for life was evident

She was growing and changing and doing EVERYTHING else she wanted to do

She had traveled solo to many countries

She was doing work she loved

She was enjoying vibrant relationships and feeling fully alive

This is very different from staying single because it’s easier

The fear of intimacy after divorce is a very real issue

When you've been hurt that deeply, the last thing you want is to get hurt again

So you find ways to keep your distance from the risk of making a commitment 

You settle for basic romantic relationships with non-committal partners

Someone to fill the space, knowing you won’t ever have to sign the dotted line

Long-distance relationships with no plans to move closer

You dabble half-heartedly off and on the apps

Just something to entertain yourself and pass time with a few text conversations

This way, you never have to address just how stuck you still are in past hurts

If things don’t work out, it’s because of all the weirdos out there

You get busy with keeping life comfortable and safe

Every time the desire for more comes up, you squelch it

And over time that squelching muscle becomes a habit

Because you've given your brain so much power to suppress your desires for a relationship

It soon starts to suppress your desire to make more money

It suppresses your desire to write a book, run a business, travel, make an impact

It makes everything about dating appear excessively difficult

Swiping your finger 2 inches on your phone feels as exhausting as hauling bricks

You tell yourself you’re busy with the kids and work and all the other busy things 

But you still spend hours ruminating, overthinking the little things, doing busywork, scrolling social media, watching videos, worrying, venting and complaining

Doing everything other than what you REALLY want to do with your life

You don't use the time to create a new relationship but you don’t use it for something else just as awesome

Listen, creating a relationship is just a container for personal growth

A vehicle for bringing up all the junk and getting it out of the way so that you show up to engage and enjoy the very best life has to offer

The process stretches and grows you and makes you come alive in amazing new ways

Just like traveling the world did for the lady in my group

It’s time to get off the sidelines and get in the game of life

So, do you love your single life or are you just avoiding growth?

If you’re not sure, I can help you get to clarity on a single consultation call. Schedule with me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Dating Intention

The exhaustion of the dating roller coaster is caused by not having a solid, clear intention for your dating journey.

When you don’t know what you’re looking for, it’s really hard to find it.

So own what you want and go straight for it.

It sounds simple, but your brain’s habit of catastrophic thinking will create a bunch of drama around it:

The fear of limiting options while also worrying about settling for too little

Past disappointments make the act of asking feel like death to any desire

Being shamed for turning down a “good guy” way back in high school

Waiting to be chosen instead of having a say and choosing what you want

Worrying what others will think of your choices

“It’s wrong to ask for this much”

“This list is too long”

“Am I being too picky?”

“Does this guy on my list even exist?”

“If he exists, would he want me?”

“It’s unrealistic to expect a man this good” (even though you check off all the same attributes)

“Where would I even find him?”

“My mother, father, friends, internet guru said…”

And on and on. These thoughts and limiting beliefs bury your inner wisdom about what you want in your life - what would be a true relationship fit.

Without a clear intention, every new interaction with a man becomes a guessing game...

Should I or should I not?

The solution is to give yourself permission to verbalize your true desire.

Spend time clarifying it in detail before putting yourself out there.

Deep dive into it until you have an intention and vision so clear, solid and so bright that it puts an end to the dating roller coaster.

You become unshakeable in your certainty that you know what you are looking for and why and you know exactly if the man in front of you fits the bill or not.

You free your brain from obsessively spinning around and around over one guy or the other and use that time and creativity to fill your dating calendar while continuing to be productively living your best life.

Sounds a lot more fun doesn’t it?

Intention is one of the 3 pillars of my Dating After Divorce coaching process

The clarity we create gives you the confidence to show up fully when you date

And ends all confusion and indecision

The exhaustion from second-guessing ends forever

Dating becomes a breeze

You start having fun and…

Finding Mr. Right becomes inevitable

Contact me here to get started: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

Obsessing Over the Wrong Man

Have you ever met the “perfect” but “not-interested-in-you” guy?

He just wants to be friends, but you know the two of you are the perfect match: He’s such a good guy, you have the same interests, you have such a good time, and your kids are just the right age

You fall hard even though he’s never indicated anything but mild interest

You get all giddy and zone in on him

All your waking hours are now spent trying to figure how to get him to make a move - or at least respond to yours

I get it, you like him (and I’ve been there before) but attaching to him in your head is making you feel invisible, unwanted and frustrated

If you’ve met this guy, showed interest in him and he doesn’t reciprocate, move on ASAP

No, he’s not “just shy and needing  more encouragement”

No, he doesn’t “need more time to realize you’re the best woman for him”

Crushing on a man who is showing no interest in you is a waste of your smart, resourceful and creative mind

Because your brain is an incredible problem-solving machine

It goes to work finding answers to your problems

By obsessing over one guy you’ve given brain the wrong problem to work on

You’ve given it the job of trying to change another human being

Basically, it’s spinning in a wild goose chase

You’re investing your precious time and attention in someone who doesn’t want them

In fact, by focusing on this guy, you’re showing little interest in yourself

You’ve abandoned your goal of meeting someone great, who loves you back and also wants to invest in a relationship

No wonder you feel frustrated

To break out of the obsessive crush loop going nowhere, give yourself the love and attention you want by noticing your own self - your best qualities, your purpose, your goals, your core values

Notice how big the world is - there’s 7 billion people on the planet, all waiting for you to connect with them

Break out of the tiny fear bubble of thinking that this is the only eligible guy left in the world 

Create new options for yourself by giving your brain the job of finding 10 other potential partners who are actually interested in you

Make space in your heart and mind for someone who will see and appreciate you for who you are

Feel the expansion and possibility that comes with that

That feels so much better than playing both sides of the tennis court in a fantasy relationship with Mr. Nice Guy

Now get out there to meet other people and create new connections that will lead to that relationship that is safe, loving and lasts a lifetime

Want help finding love after divorce? Book a consult call with me http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

You Don't Have to Fix Yourself Before Dating

When you've been divorced, it is so easy to internalize the message that there is something wrong with you.

If your ex beat the drum that you were the problem throughout your marriage, years of hearing that can make you shrink to fit the box of a so-so life.

You might think you have to hide and fix yourself before you can deserve the life you want. 

You don’t have to be perfect before you can get a fab job or ask for a promotion or find love or start your dream business.

I want to tell you that you don't have to fix yourself.

You don't have to earn a good life.

You can just step out and start to build it.

You deserve to rediscover joy - for the sole reason that you’re alive

Just because you are here on earth. 

It starts with accepting that you are loveable just the way you are. 

And that you bring so much to the table in any relationship.

You don't have to wait. There is a man out there perfect for you.

You can get started today - just the way you are - and create the relationship of your dreams. Yes, the one where you are loved way beyond your expectations.

If you are ready to get started building this kind of love, contact me here: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment

You Don't Need to Understand Men to Find Love

I bet you’ve heard that you need to understand how men think to get a man to commit to you.

That thinking sends you on a wild goose chase of trying to figure out every single guy you meet.

You buy a set of texts to use to catch the guy only to find he wasn't what you wanted after all.

And now you're starting over. Again.

First, men are not a monolith, so there's really no formula for figuring them out.

Second, you don't need to.

Remember when you were in your prior marriage and you spent all your time reading books, spinning out and trying to figure out your husband?

How did that work out?

Unhealthy relationships look like Person A thinking about Person A and Person B thinking about Person A

This is what the “understand men” philosophy teaches and it doesn't work.

It gets you twisting and turning yourself trying to control someone else’s actions

Truth is, the only person you need to understand is yourself.

What you want from life

Your vision

Your goals

Your wants and needs

Your preferences

All the things you left behind when you got married the first time

When you rediscover who you are, it's easy to find the man who matches you

The one who is looking for YOU right now, but can't find you because the real you isn't showing up

When you’re changing yourself to match what you’re “supposed to be” no one gets to see who you really are

If you know who you are, let your authentic self be seen

If you’re not sure you do, some self-discovery work might be in order

Either way, I can help you get there.

Get started with a consultation call: http://sadecurry.com/schedule-appointment